Penguin Gut

I've lost 7 pounds of chemo weight!! But now that I appear to be somewhat flat chested in my clothes, I look like I have penguin gut. (smile) It's actually the least of my worries, if I can say I have very many worries these days.

My recovery from surgery is going very well. I had my final drain pulled last week Wednesday and I can now comfortably sleep on my sides. Who would have given much thought to being able to sleep on your sides, huh? I don't have any pain, but I am experiencing a great deal of discomfort in my chest wall area. It feels very, very tight in the middle of my chest (cleavage area) and near my sternum and upper rib cage area ... as if someone is pulling a huge rubberband around me. I am conscious of this feeling at all times, although it doesn't bother me until I lie down to sleep. I guess my chest muscles are pulling toward the side when I lie down, so I have to sleep propped up on pillows at somewhat of an incline ... maybe a 45 degree angle?

I have so far complained about the annoying tightness to each of my doctors and have been provided with numerous prescriptions. Many of my support group members praise valium as a wonder drug to relax the muscles and allow for sleep. When I asked for this at my last plastic surgeon's appointment, I was given a script for a muscle relaxant called flexeril instead. The flexeril doesn't readily appear to work for me though ... it only makes me sleepy, presumably just so that I forget all about the tightness in my chest. It's hard to imagine how much tighter I will feel after my first fill of the tissue expanders next week. I was told I was filled with only 60 cc's of saline at the time of surgery. For some reason, I guessed there was more than that. Apparently, my tissue expanders can hold 300 cc's, so I will have about 4 appointments where I will receive 60 cc's each time. Yikes! I did ultimately convince my oncologist to write me a script for valium, insisting that I will only use this potentially addictive drug for my expander fill appointments.

What else? Oh, I have been instructed to do certain arm exercises so that I don't get a "frozen shoulder." I have some pain in my left arm pit which radiates down the length of my left arm because of the sentinel node that was taken from that side. I suppose for a couple weeks following my operation, I was "guarding" that arm and keeping it in a bent position close to my side. As a consequence, I am experiencing some "cording" in the arm or a tightening of the tendon(s). I can feel 2 thin rubberband-like veins (the best way to describe it) in my armpit and it hurts like hell to stretch. I can only lift my arm as high as my shoulder, but if I attempt to keep it straight while lifting it ... I start to see stars! Dr. D. has threatened if I don't do my exercises, he will send me to a physical terrorist ... I mean, therapist. So I'm doing them now ... somewhat. It's easier in the shower when the water is hot ... I just take my fingers and crawl them up the wall as high as I can. Then, I try to swing the arm back and forth. It hurts the most when I lift my arm straight out to my side. Ugh. I'm just afraid something is going to pop, like pulling a muscle ... although I've been told I won't.

Anyways, I am nevertheless driving again! I've been driving Dad's car for the past couple days since it's an automatic (with power steering). Today was the first time I attempted my stick shift in my own car! Funny how much I missed driving my car ... one of life's small pleasures. I didn't have a chance to blast my stereo though ... Dad was with me, running errands ... and he can't stand to listen to my "bongo, bongo music" (as he calls it). There's always tomorrow though!

Oh, one more positive note ... I ran down to Dr. D., at my follow-up appointment last week, just how distraught I was about Dr. Marshall's office giving me a March 2008 exchange surgery date. He interrupted me halfway through all my long-winded babbling and said, "Camille. You can cut to the chase with me. You want me to call Dr. Marshall and get you an earlier date, right? Consider it done." I love that man! He's so sweet .... and he saved my life. And I'm not ashamed to say I have a huge crush on him. (:-) Here's the only pic I can dig up on him on the web, probably taken several years ago (he has a full head of gray hair now):

Dr. Robert DerHagopian is the one in the upper right corner.

My hero ... my sweetie pie!