Surgery date is finally here!

I am FINALLY having my surgery tomorrow (May 17th) at Baptist Hospital in Miami! Truly, the day can't come fast enough for me. It will begin at 7:30 am with a pregnancy test ... nevermind that I've already said there is no possibility that I'm pregnant ... they simply won't take my word for it. At 8:30 am, I will have a needle wire guide inserted in my left breast so that my surgeon will know exactly where to work. (Have I said if you're afraid of needles, cancer is not the thing to get??) At 11:00 am, I will move to pre-op to presumably get undressed and have an I.V. stuck in my arm. (I always try to predict where they're going to stick me and lather on my EMLA or lidocaine -- skin numbing cream -- ahead of time!) At 1:00 pm, I am scheduled to breathe deeply and fall off to a deep sleep. But not before I make sure my surgeon, Dr. D., has said he had his breakfast or lunch and a good night's sleep! Afterall, tomorrow is not the day for him to feel sleepy at work ... you know what I mean?

I'm really OVER all the annoying, lingering side effects I've been experiencing from chemotherapy. Boo, hiss, boo! I was told I would have an easier time with Taxol, but to date, let's see ... I'm up to 129 lbs. (or 20 lbs. more than usual for my tiny frame), I have unsightly acne scars all over my face, chest, and back, I've lost my eyebrows and lower eyelashes, I'm experiencing extreme edema or swelling in my hands, feet, and legs STILL, I have painful nailbeds that look bruised under the nail ... let's see, what else? Oh, hot flashes strike without warning about 4-5 times per day! It's worse at night when I'm trying to sleep ... covers on, covers off. And I'm a bed hog now ... looking for any cool place for my Fred Flintstone feet!

I know I sound like I may have nothing good to say. Believe me, I am soooo very appreciative of my team of doctors and extremely grateful that they encouraged me to have the most aggressive treatment to date ... I'm especially grateful for all my earth angels (friends and family who have been soooo incredibly supportive of me these past several months) ... but I'm feeling as though I'm starting to hit a wall now. After surgery, I still face 7 weeks of radiation treatments (every day, except weekends). They will likely want to tatoo me with teeny tiny dots in several places around my chest so they can line up the radiation beams each day. I simply don't want tatoos if I can help it. I would rather they mark me with permanent marker that I will be more than willing to cover up with surgical tape to keep from washing off. I'm not even sure if this will be a possibility, but I'm going to argue for it. On top of everything, I worry about those radiation beams hitting too close to my heart and my left lung. Ugh.

Overall, I feel like I've put up with enough already ... hair loss, risk of damage to my fertility options, fatigue, etc. and all with a positive, great attitude for the past 8 months or so. Breast cancer takes so much from you physically and emotionally ... it feels like a constant challenge to not let this dreadful disease defeat your spirit and self-esteem. I'm just trying to remember that things could be a lot worse and keep it moving forward. The best part of my day tomorrow will be my ability to say, "I HAD breast cancer!" :-))